[ Introduction to "Overture/
And All That Jazz" plays ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

5, 6, 7, 8...

[ lndistinct conversations ]

Anybody seen
the Kelly Sisters?

You. You're up in five.

-Keep the change, Charlie.
-Thanks.

Velma, where you been?

And where's Veronica?

She's not herself tonight.

But they paid to see
a sister act!

Don't sweat it.
I can do it alone.

Shit!

Come on, Velma.
Move it, move it! Hurry up!

You're killing me, here!

Ladies and gentlemen...

the Onyx Club
is proud to present

Chicago's hottest dancing duo.

Two jazz babes moving as one.

The Kelly Sisters.

[ Applause ]

¢Ý Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz? ¢Ý

¢Ý I'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Start the car,
I know a whoopee spot ¢Ý

¢Ý Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot ¢Ý

¢Ý It's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl ¢Ý

¢Ý And all ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Skiddoo ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Hotcha ¢Ý

¢Ý Whoopee ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Slick your hair
and wear your buckle shoes ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý I hear that Father Dip
is gonna blow the blues ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Hold on, hon,
we're gonna bunny hug ¢Ý

¢Ý I bought some aspirin
down at United Drug ¢Ý

¢Ý In case you shake apart
and want a brand-new start ¢Ý

¢Ý To do ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

Let's go, babe.

But I didn't even meet
your friend. That manager guy.

Don't worry, Roxie.
It's alI taken care of.

You told him about me?

Yeah, kid, it's alI arranged.

¢Ý Find a flask,
we're playing fast and loose ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Right up here
is where I store the juice ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Come on, babe,
we're gonna brush the sky ¢Ý

¢Ý I betcha Lucky Lindy
never flew so high ¢Ý

¢Ý 'Cause in the stratosphere,
how could he lend an ear ¢Ý

¢Ý To all ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz? ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, you're gonna see
your sheba shimmy-shake ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, she's gonna shimmy
till her garters break ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Show her
where to park her girdle ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, her mother's blood
will curdle ¢Ý

¢Ý If she'd hear
her baby's queer ¢Ý

¢Ý For all ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

HelIo, Miss Borusewicz.

Mrs. Hart.

This is Fred.

He's my brother.

¢Ý All ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Come on, babe,
why don't we paint the town ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz? ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý I'm gonna rouge my knees
and roll my stockings down ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý And all that jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý Start the car,
I know a whoopee spot ¢Ý

¢Ý Where the gin is cold,
but the piano's hot ¢Ý

¢Ý It's just a noisy hall
where there's a nightly brawl ¢Ý

¢Ý And all ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

ROXlE : Say it again, Fred.

Oh, you're a star, kid.

My Iittle shootin ' star.

¢Ý No, I'm no one's wife ¢Ý

¢Ý But, oh, I love my life ¢Ý

¢Ý And all ¢Ý

¢Ý That ¢Ý

¢Ý Jazz ¢Ý

¢Ý That jazz ¢Ý

Oh, say it again, Fred.

Where's the fire, huh?

Amos ain't home tiIl midnight.

Hey, I don't want you to feel
Iike l'm nagging at you,

but don't you think it's time

I met your friend
down at the Onyx?

It's been a month
since you told him about me.

And I know
'cause that was the night

Velma Kelly plugged
her husband and her sister.

You know they say that she found
'em in the kip together?

Gosh, if I ever found Amos
slipping it to somebody else...

I'd throw him a great big
going-away party.

It's getting late.

I have been thinking a lot
about my act.

Whenever I get a good idea
I write it in my diary.

It occurred to me the other day

that all the really, really
knockout acts have

something a little different
going on.

Like a signature bit.

And I thought that my thing
could be aloof, you know?

Give 'em just enough
to get 'em good and hungry,

but always leave 'em
wantin' more.

Hey, once I get a name
for myself,

maybe we could open up a club
of our own.

You could run it,
and I could be the headliner.

What's the idea?

Wake up, kiddo. You ain't
never gonna have an act.

Says who?

Face it. You're a two-bit talent
with skinny legs.

I'm just a furniture salesman.

Yeah, but you got connections.

-That guy at the club.
-There is no guy.

That night...

It was the first time
I set foot in that joint.

I was collecting on a bet
from the trombone player.

So you never
told anyone about me?

Sugar, you were hot stuff.

I would have said anything
to get a piece of that.

And now? Now?

We had some laughs.
Let's just leave it at that.

You can't do this to me.

Would you get off?

You touch me again,
l'll put your lights out!

-Wait.
-Your husband will be home soon.

Wash yourself before hitting
those sheets again.

You're a liar, Fred.

Yeah, yeah, so what?

You lied to me.

That's life, sweetheart.
That's life.

You son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch!

You're a son of a bitch!

¢Ý Hotcha ¢Ý

¢Ý Whoopee ¢Ý

Why you bothering, Sal?
This one's all wrapped up.

It's a new city record.

From killin' to confession
in an hour flat.

SGT. FOGARTY: Where did you get
the murder weapon?

AMOS : I keep a gun
in the underwear drawer.

Just in case of trouble.

That's just fine.
Sign right there, Mr. Hart.

Freely and gladly.

Don't say we beat it out of you
when you get on the stand.

No, I gave myself up.
Surrendered of my own free will.

Isn't he the cheerful murderer?

ROXlE :
Shootin' a burglar ain't murder.

Just last week,
a jury thanked a man.

I'm grateful for citizens
who know the law.

Get in there.

You too.

Sit down.

Okay. From the top.

A man's got a right to protect
his home and loved ones, right?

Of course he has.

I come home from the garage,

and I see him climbing
through the window

with my wife, Roxie,
laying there,

sleeping like an angel.

That true, Mrs. Hart?

It's the God's honest truth.

My wife had nothing
to do with it.

She wouldn't hurt a worm,
not even a worm.

It wasn't till I fired
the first shot

she even opened her eyes.

I always said she could sleep

through
the St. Paddy's Day Parade.

When I think of
what would have happened

if I went out for a beer
instead of coming home.

It makes you sick
even thinking about it.

BANDLEADER: For her first
number, Miss Roxie Hart

would like to sing a song
of love and devotion

dedicated
to her dear husband, Amos.

¢Ý Sometimes I'm right ¢Ý

¢Ý Sometimes I'm wrong ¢Ý

¢Ý But he doesn't care ¢Ý

¢Ý He'll string along ¢Ý

¢Ý He loves me so ¢Ý

¢Ý That funny honey of mine ¢Ý

¢Ý Sometimes I'm down ¢Ý

¢Ý Sometimes I'm up ¢Ý

¢Ý But he follows round ¢Ý

¢Ý Like some droopy-eyed pup ¢Ý

¢Ý He loves me so ¢Ý

¢Ý That funny honey of mine ¢Ý

After I shot him,
he kept coming at me,

so I had to puIl
the trigger again.

¢Ý He ain't no sheik ¢Ý

¢Ý That's no great physique ¢Ý

¢Ý And Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts ¢Ý

¢Ý But look at that soul ¢Ý

¢Ý I tell you, that whole ¢Ý

¢Ý Is a whole lot greater
than the sum of his parts ¢Ý

¢Ý And if you knew him like me ¢Ý

¢Ý I know you'd agree ¢Ý

¢Ý What if the world
slandered my name? ¢Ý

¢Ý Why, he'd be right there
taking the blame ¢Ý

¢Ý He loves me so ¢Ý

¢Ý And it all suits me fine ¢Ý

¢Ý That funny, sunny honey ¢Ý

¢Ý Hubby of mine ¢Ý

Supposing, just supposing,
hehad violated her.

-You know what I mean?
-I know what you mean.

Think how terrible
that would have been.

It's a good thing I got home
from work on time.

¢Ý He loves me so ¢Ý

¢Ý That funny honey of mine ¢Ý

Name of deceased,
Fred Casely.

Fred Casely?
How could he be a burglar?

My wife knows him.
He sold us our furniture.

He gave us 10% off.

¢Ý Lord knows
he ain't got the smarts ¢Ý

You told me he was a bu rg lar.

He was dead when you got home?

She had him covered in a sheet,

and she's telIing me
some cock-and-bull story

and how I ought to say I did it
'cause I was sure to get off.

"Help me, Amos," she says.
"It's my goddamn hour of need."

¢Ý Now he shot off his trap ¢Ý

¢Ý I can't stand that sap ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Look at him go ¢Ý
-And I believed her.

- ¢Ý Rattin' on me ¢Ý
-That cheap Iittle tramp.

She was two-timing me, huh?

I'm through protecting her now.

She can swing for alI l care.

I'm down at the garage
working 1 4 hours a day,

and she's up here
munching on bonbons

and tramping around
like some goddamn floozy!

Thought she could pull
the wool over my eyes.

- ¢Ý That scummy, crummy ¢Ý
-Well, I wasn't born yesterday.

- ¢Ý Dummy ¢Ý
-Some things a man can't take.

- ¢Ý Hubby of mine ¢Ý
-She pushed me too far.

That little chiseler.

Boy, what a sap I was!

You double-crosser!
You big blabbermouth!

You promised you'd stick.

You been stringin' me,
Roxanne!

You told me he was a burglar!

The whole time,
you been up here jazzin' him.

You are a disloyal husband!

Look, it's true.
I shot him.

But it was self-defense.
He was trying to burgle me.

From what I hear,
he's been burgling you

three times a week
for the last month.

So what do you say, Missus?

That's him, all right.

Thank you.

Your story doesn't wash,
Mrs. Hart...

so try this on for size.

Fred Casely was a good time
on the side

with Goofy here
as a meal ticket.

Meal ticket?
He couldn't buy my liquor.

Fred Casely could?

With a wife
and five little Caselys?

Or did he forget
to mention them?

What?

All his.

Oh, that bastard.

That bastard!

Yeah, I killed him.
I would kill him again.

Once was enough, dearie.

Take her downtown. Come on!

This is it. 264 1 /2.

Here they come.
This way, honey.

It's a shame to hide
such a beautiful face.

Why'd you shoot him?

Give us a profile with a smile

Iike the girl from
the toothpaste ad.

Enjoy it while you can.
Take this down.

Assistant District Attorney
Harrison

says this is a hanging case.

I'm ready to go
to the jury tomorrow.

What do you mean, hanging?

Not so tough anymore, are you?

Take her down
to the Cook County Jail.

We need a headline.
Why'd you shoot him?

Was he cruel? Did he beat you?

Hey, what do you mean,
hanging?

Morphine, opium, cocaine?

-Arm length. 31 inches.
-Arm length. 31 inches.

Height. 66 inches.

The Matron's on her way,
so don't get too cozy.

Put out that cigarette!

Ever had Morton before?

She's fine.
Long as you keep her happy.

[ Drumroll ]

And now, ladies and gentlemen...

the Keeper of the Keys,
the Countess of the Clink...

the Mistress of Murderess Row...

Matron Mama Morton!

¢Ý Ask any of the chickies
in my pen ¢Ý

¢Ý They'll tell you
I'm the biggest mother hen ¢Ý

¢Ý I love them all,
and all of them love me ¢Ý

¢Ý Because the system works
the system called ¢Ý

¢Ý Reciprocity ¢Ý

On your feet.

Welcome, I adies.

¢Ý Got a little motto ¢Ý

¢Ý Always sees me th rough ¢Ý

¢Ý When you're good to Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý Mama's good to you ¢Ý

You might think I'm here
to make your Iife a Iiving hell,

but it's just not true.

¢Ý There's a lot of favors ¢Ý

¢Ý I'm prepared to do ¢Ý

¢Ý You do one for Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý She'll do one for you ¢Ý

I'd Iike to be your friend,
if you Iet me.

So if there's something
that upsets you

or makes you unhappy
in any way...

don't shoot your fat-ass mouth
off to me

'cause I don't g ive a shit.

¢Ý They say that life
is tit for tat ¢Ý

¢Ý And that's the way I live ¢Ý

¢Ý So I deserve a lot of tat ¢Ý

¢Ý For what I've got to give ¢Ý

¢Ý Don't you know
that this hand ¢Ý

¢Ý Washes that one, too? ¢Ý

¢Ý When you're good to Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý Mama's good to you ¢Ý

Let's go.

You must be Hart.

Ain't you the pretty one.

Thank you, ma'am.

Oh, no, calI me Mama.

I'm here to take care of you.

You'Il be habitatin'
down in the east block.

Murderess Row, we calI it.

Is that nicer?

I don't think I belong in here.

I didn't actually
do anything wrong.

No need to tell me.

I never heard
of a man getting killed

when he didn't get
just what was coming to him.

Hey, Mama!

Come here. Come here.

Velma Kelly.

You're the Velma Kelly.

I was there the night
that you got arrested.

Yeah.
You and half of Chicago.

Look at this, Mama.

An editorial denouncing me
in "Redbook" magazine.

"Not in memory do we recall

so fiendish and horrible
a double homicide."

You couldn't buy
that kind of publicity.

Couldn't buy it?

I guess I can keep this, then.

Nice try.

¢Ý If you want my gravy ¢Ý

¢Ý Pepper my ragout ¢Ý

¢Ý Spice it up for Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý She'll get hot for you ¢Ý

¢Ý When they pass that basket
folks contribute to ¢Ý

¢Ý You put in for Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý She'll put out for you ¢Ý

¢Ý The folks atop the ladder ¢Ý

¢Ý Are the ones
the world adores ¢Ý

¢Ý So boost me
up my ladder, kid ¢Ý

¢Ý And I'll boost you up yours ¢Ý

¢Ý Let's all stroke together ¢Ý

¢Ý Like the Princeton crew ¢Ý

¢Ý When you're strokin ' Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý Mama's strokin' you ¢Ý

¢Ý So what's the one conclusion
I can bring this number to ? ¢Ý

¢Ý When you're good to Mama ¢Ý

¢Ý Mama's good ¢Ý

¢Ý To you ¢Ý

Ah, yes!

[ Cheers and appIause ]

ROXlE : Mam a?

It's kind of freezing in here.

You don't think there's
something wrong with the heat?

Not that l'm complaining,
mind you, but...

if you got a couple extra
blankets tucked away --

Lights out, ladies.

Okay.

Okay.

¢Ý Pop ¢Ý

¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý

¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

And now,
the six merry murderesses

of the Cook County Jail

in their rendition of
the "CelI Block Tango."

¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

¢Ý Pop ¢Ý

¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý

¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

¢Ý Pop ¢Ý

¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý

¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Pop ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Pop ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý He only had himself to blame ¢Ý

¢Ý If you'd have been there ¢Ý

¢Ý If you'd have seen it ¢Ý

¢Ý I betcha you would have
done the same ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Pop ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Pop ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý Squish ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Cicero ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Lipschitz ¢Ý

You know how people have these
Iittle habits that get you down?

Like Bernie.
Bernie Iiked to chew gum.

No, not chew. Pop.

So I came home this one day,
and l'm really irritated...

and l'm looking
for a little bit of sympathy.

There's Bernie
lyin' on the couch...

drinkin' a beer and chewin'.

No, not chewin'. Poppin'!

So I said to him, "You pop
that gum one more time..."

And he did.

So I took the shotgun
off the wall...

and I fired two warning shots

into his head.

¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý He only had himself to blame ¢Ý

¢Ý If you'd have been there ¢Ý

¢Ý If you'd have heard it ¢Ý

¢Ý I betcha you would have
done the same ¢Ý

I met Ezekial Young
from Salt Lake City

about two years ago,

and he told me he was single,
and we hit it off right away.

So we started Iiving together.

He'd go to work.
He'd come home.

I'd fix him a drink.
We'd have dinner.

And then I found out.

Single, he told me?

Single, my ass.

Not only was he married...

Oh, no...

He had six wives.

One of those Mormons.

So that night
when he came home from work...

I fixed him his drink,
as usual.

You know, some guys
just can't hold their arsenic.

- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Pop, six, squish ¢Ý

- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Cicero, Lipschitz ¢Ý

¢Ý He took a flower
in its prime ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And then he used it ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Pop ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And he abused it ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Six ¢Ý

¢Ý It was a murder,
but not a crime ¢Ý

¢Ý Cicero, Lipschitz ¢Ý

Now, I'm standing
in the kitchen

carving up the chicken
for dinner,

minding my own business.

In storms my husband, Wilbur,
in a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' the miIkman,"
he says.

He was crazy,
and he kept on screamin',

"You been screwin' the milkman! "

And then he ran into my knife.

He ran into my knife 1 0 times.

¢Ý If you'd have been there ¢Ý

¢Ý If you'd have seen it ¢Ý

¢Ý I betcha you would have
done the same ¢Ý

[ Speaking Hungarian ]

Yeah, but did you do it?

Not guilty.

My sister, Veronica, and l
had this double act.

And my husband, Charlie,
traveled around with us.

Now, for the last number
in our act...

we did these
20 acrobatic tricks in a row.

One, two, three, four, five...

splits, spread eagles,
backflips, flip-flops.

One right after the other.

One night before the show,
we're down at the Hotel Cicero.

The three of us boozin'
and havin' a few laughs.

We run out of ice,
so I go out to get some.

I come back, open the door...

and there's Veronica and Charlie
doing number 1 7.

The spread eagle.

Well, I was in
such a state of shock...

I completely blacked out.

I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later

when I was washing the blood
off my hands

I even knew they were dead.

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý They had it coming all along ¢Ý

- ¢Ý I didn't do it ¢Ý
- ¢Ý She didn't do it ¢Ý

- ¢Ý But if I'd done it ¢Ý
- ¢Ý But if she'd done it ¢Ý

¢Ý How could you tell me
that I was wrong? ¢Ý

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý They had it coming
all along ¢Ý

¢Ý I didn't do it ¢Ý

¢Ý But if I'd done it ¢Ý

¢Ý How could you tell me
that I was wrong? ¢Ý

I loved Al Lipschitz
more than I could possibly say.

He was a real artistic guy.

Sensitive. A painter.

[ Whistle blows ]

But he was always trying
to find himself.

He'd go out every night looking
for himself, and on the way...

he found Ruth, Gladys,
Rosemary, and lrving.

You could say we broke up
because of artistic differences.

He saw himself as alive...

and I saw him dead.

¢Ý The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum ¢Ý

¢Ý The dirty bum,
bum, bum, bum, bum ¢Ý

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý They had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý They had it coming all along ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And if they used us ¢Ý
- ¢Ý And if they used us ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Then they abused us ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Then they abused us ¢Ý

¢Ý Could you tell us
that we were wrong? ¢Ý

- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý
- ¢Ý He had it coming ¢Ý

¢Ý He only had himself to blame ¢Ý

- ¢Ý If you'd have been there ¢Ý
- ¢Ý If you'd have been there ¢Ý

- ¢Ý If you'd have seen it ¢Ý
- ¢Ý If you'd have seen it ¢Ý

¢Ý I betcha you would have
done the same ¢Ý

-Pop that gum on e more time...
-SingIe, my ass.

1 0 times!

Number 1 7.
The spread eagle.

Artistic differences.

Pop.

Six.

Squish.

Cicero.

Lipschitz.

Who belongs to them?

What's it to you?

Nothing.

Heard they were Velma's.

The Hunyak does her laundry
for a buck a week.

Fresh towels for the can.

Make it quick.

MAMA MORTON :
l' m gonna take care of you now.

I know a couple of things.
Hear me out.

Billy Flynn's set
your trial for March 5th.

March 7th you'll be acquitted.

March 8th, Mama is gonna put you
on the vaudeville circuit.

VELMA:
Now you're an agent, too?

MAMA MORTON : Until Ma Bell
installs a line in your cell...

all the calls
have gotta go through me.

What kind of dough
are we talking about?

It's a crazy world.

Babe Ruth is wearing rouge

and playing the Palace
for $5,000 a week.

Yeah. What about someone
with real talent?

I been talking to the boys
over at William Morris.

Due to your recent
sensational activities...

they think
they can get you $2,500.

$2,500?

Jeez, the most me
and Veronica made was $350.

That's what happens when you
have the right representation.

I always wanted to play
Big Jim Colosimo's.

Do you think
you can get me that?

-Big Jim's?
-Yeah.

I don't know. That's gonna
take another phone call.

How much is that gonna cost?

You know how I feel about you.

You're like family to me.
You're like one of my own.

-l'll do it for 50 bucks.
-50 bucks for a phone call?

You must get a lot
of wrong numbers, Mama.

Oh, Miss Kelly,
got your personals.

Freshly pressed
by yours truly.

No, it's my pleasure.

Hey, listen,
can I ask you something?

You know that Harrison guy?

He said that what I done
is a hanging case

and that he's prepared to ask
for the maximum penalty.

-Yeah, so?
-So l'm scared.

I sure would appreciate
some advice.

Especially from someone
I admire as much as you.

Since I can remember, I have
wanted to be on the stage.

What's your talent?
Washing and drying?

No. I danced in the chorus.

That was before
I met my husband, Amos.

Look, honey,
you want some advice?

Here it is.
Direct from me to you.

Keep your paws
off my underwear, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Thanks.

For nothin'.

She's something, ain't she?

No matter how big she gets,
she's still as common as ever.

I'd like to help you, dearie.

Take a load off.

So, what do you figure
on using for grounds?

Grounds?

What are you gonna tell
the jury?

I just figured
I'd tell them the truth.

-The truth?
-Yeah.

That's a one-way ticket
to the death house.

Holy Mother of God.

Oh, relax.

In this town, murder's
a form of entertainment.

Besides, in 47 years,

Cook County ain't never hung
a woman yet.

So the odds are 47 to one
that they won't hang you.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

You're talking
to the wrong people.

What you need is Billy Flynn.

-Who?
-Billy Flynn.

He's only the best
criminal lawyer in lllinois.

What he don't know
about juries and women...

How do you get Billy Flynn?

Well, not by praying, dearie.

First, you give me $1 00.
Then I make a phone call.

$1 00?
Well, you just...

I mean, it seems pretty steep
for a phone call.

He's worth every cent.

He's never lost a case
for a female client yet.

With a sweet little puss
like yours...

Iet's just say justice
ain't so blind in Chicago.

He's never lost a case?

Never.

Every girl in this place

would kill to have
Billy Flynn represent her.

¢Ý Billy ¢Ý

¢Ý We want Billy ¢Ý

¢Ý B-I-Double-L- Y ¢Ý

¢Ý We're all his ¢Ý

¢Ý He's our kind of a guy ¢Ý

¢Ý And, ooh, what luck ¢Ý

¢Ý 'Cause here he is ¢Ý

BANDLEADER :
Ladies and gentlemen...

presenting the silver-tong ued
prince of the courtroom.

The one, the only BiIly Flynn.

¢Ý I don't care
about expensive things ¢Ý

¢Ý Cashmere coats,
diamond rings ¢Ý

¢Ý Don't mean a thing ¢Ý

¢Ý All I care about is love ¢Ý

- ¢Ý That's what he's here for ¢Ý
- ¢Ý That's what I'm here for ¢Ý

¢Ý I dont care
for wearing silk cravats ¢Ý

¢Ý Ruby studs, satin spats ¢Ý

¢Ý Don't mean a thing ¢Ý

- ¢Ý All I care about is love ¢Ý
- ¢Ý All he cares about is love ¢Ý

¢Ý Give me two eyes of blue ¢Ý

¢Ý Softly saying ¢Ý

¢Ý "I need you " ¢Ý

¢Ý Let me see her
standing there ¢Ý

¢Ý And honest, mister,
I'm a millionaire ¢Ý

¢Ý I don't care
for any fine attire ¢Ý

¢Ý Vanderbilt might admire ¢Ý

¢Ý No, no, not me ¢Ý

- ¢Ý All I care about is love ¢Ý
- ¢Ý All he cares about is love ¢Ý

[ Whistling ]

Good morning, Iadies.

-Not guilty !
-You telI 'em, sweetheart.

¢Ý That's what he's here for ¢Ý

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Miss Kelly, do you remember
anything about that night?

I passed out completely.
I can't remember a thing.

Only that I didn't do it.

Any idea who did, dear?

No, but my client is offering
a substantial reward

to anyone with information
about this crime.

How much is the reward,
Miss Kelly?

I don't know. How much?

We'll work it out
after the trial.

If there are no more
questions...

Miss Kelly and I have
work to do.

What's this about a reward?

Awfully dumb, reporters.
They'll write it up wrong.

You deny the whole thing later.
Thank you.

¢Ý All he cares about is love ¢Ý

Mr. Flynn, l'm Roxie Hart.

-Who?
-Mama talked to you about me.

Oh, yeah, right.
The cute one.

I was hoping
that you might represent me.

You got $5,000?

Gee, that's a lot of money.

Mama didn't say anything
about $5,000.

Lookit, Mr. Flynn,
l'm not very good at this...

but maybe we could

make some sort of
arrangement between us?

I can be an awfully good sport.

Good, you got that
out of your system.

You mean just one thing to me.

You call me
when you got $5,000.

¢Ý All he cares about is love ¢Ý

¢Ý Show me long raven hair ¢Ý

¢Ý Flowin' down about to there ¢Ý

¢Ý When I see her runnin' free ¢Ý

¢Ý Keep your money,
that's enough for me ¢Ý

¢Ý I don't care
for drivin' Packard cars ¢Ý

¢Ý Or smoking long buck cigars ¢Ý

¢Ý No, no, not me ¢Ý

¢Ý All I care about
is doin' the guy in ¢Ý

¢Ý Who's pickin' on you ¢Ý

¢Ý Twistin' the wrist
that's turnin' the screw ¢Ý

- ¢Ý All he cares about ¢Ý
- ¢Ý All I care about ¢Ý

¢Ý Is love ¢Ý

Oh, he'Il see you now.

Well, helIo, Andy.

My name is Amos.

That's right.
Take a seat.

You're a remarkable man.

Your wife two-times you...

plugs the guy,
then tries to pin it on you.

Most men would let
a dame Iike that swing.

But, no, you're sticking by her.

Makes you a hero in my eyes.

That's right.
I'm a hero.

Did you bring the money?

I didn't do as well as I hoped.

But I will, Mr. Flynn.

This is only a thousand.

Plus there's $300 I borrowed
from the guys at the garage.

There's $700 from
the building-and-loan fund.

$2,000.

And that's all I got so far.

But l'll give you $20
off my salary every week.

I'll give you notes with
interest. Double. Triple.

When you came to me yesterday...

I didn't ask if she was
guilty or innocent.

I didn't ask if she was
a drunk or a dope fiend. No.

I said, "Do you have $5,000?"
You said yes.

But you don't have $5,000.

I figure you're a dirty liar.

I don't waste my time
with dirty liars.

Look. I'm real sorry,
Mr. Flynn.

On the other hand...

your devotion to your wife
is really very, very touching.

I took your wife's case,
and l'll keep it...

because I play square.

Now, look, Hart...

I don't like to blow
my own horn,

but if Jesus Christ
had lived in Chicago today

and if he had $5,000
and he'd come to me,

things would have
turned out differently.

All right, this is what
we're gonna do.

By the end of the week,
l'm gonna have Roxie's name

on the front page
of every newspaper in town.

"Sweetest little jazz killer
ever to hit Chicago."

That's the angle l'm after.

You make an announcement
we're gonna have an auction.

We got to raise money
for her defense.

They'll buy everything
she's ever touched.

Your shoes, your dresses,
your perfume, your underwear.

ROXlE :
And Victrola records.

Like the one I was playing
when I shot the bastard.

BlLLY:
I didn't hear that.

Not that I didn't have grounds.

-Hey, what are they?
-That's for trial.

Nobody's gonna care a lick

what your defense is
unless they care about you.

The first thing we do is work up
sympathy from the press.

They're not all pushovers
like Mary Sunshine.

But there's one thing
that they can never resist...

and that is a reformed sinner.

So, what was your
favorite subject in school?

Oh, I was a real dummy.

There must have been something
you were really good at.

I got high marks
on courtesy and hygiene.

Perfect.
You wanted to be a nun.

A nun?

Where were you born?

On a chicken farm
outside of Lubbock.

Southern home filled with
every luxury and refinement.

Where are your parents?

Probably on the front porch
in their rocking chairs.

Parents dead.

Family fortune swept away.

You were educated
at the Sacred Heart.

Then you fell
into a runaway marriage.

Left you miserable,
alone, unhappy.

You got all swept up
in the mad whirl of the city.

Jazz, cabarets, liquor.

You were drawn
like a moth to the flame.

Now the mad whirl has ceased.

You are a butterfly
crushed on the wheel.

Which is it? Is it the moth
or the butterfly?

You have sinned,
and you are sorry.

God, that's beautiful.

Cut out God.

Stay where
you're better acquainted.

Kid, when l'm through with you,
not only will you be acquitted,

every man on that jury

will want to take you home
to meet his mother.

[ Southern accent ] I was born
on a beautiful Southern convent.

What?

[ Normal voice ]
Oh, holy shit!

I'm never gonna get
this straight.

Pipe down on the swearing.

From here on, you say nothing
rougher than "Oh, dear."

T ry again.

I was born on a...

VELMA: I came up with more to do
on the witness stand.

I thought I'd get all teary-eyed

and ask to borrow
your handkerchief.

Then I thought I'd take a peek
at the jury like this.

Flash 'em a bit of thigh, huh?
What do you think?

Sounds great.

Don't you want
to hear the rest?

Tomorrow, kiddo.
You're at the top of my list.

Well, well, well.

Sorry to be late, Mr. Flynn.

Hope you weren't too bored.

I like it.

I like it.

Hey, Pollyanna...

I heard your press conference
is tomorrow.

Yeah, what's it to you?

Well, you wanted
my advice, right?

Well, here it is.

Don't forget
Billy Flynn's number-one client

is Billy Flynn.

Meaning what?

Meaning don't let him
hog the spotlight.

You're the one
they pay to see.

We can only sell them
one idea at a time.

I can still see him coming at me

with that awful look
in his eyes.

And?

And we both reached
for the gun.

That's right.
You both reached for the gun.

Ready?

Yeah.

-Miss Hart!
-Miss Hart!

Good day, gentlemen.

Gentlemen, Miss Sunshine.

My client has just entered
a plea of not guilty.

We look forward to a trial
at the earliest possible date.

Are there any questions?

Miss Sunshine.

As you know, my paper is dry.

Do you have any advice
for young girls

seeking to avoid
a life of jazz and drink?

Absolutely, yes.

Mrs. Hart feels that
it was the tragic combination

of liquor and jazz
which led to her downfall.

Next question, please.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I would like to say
how flattered I am

that y'all came to see me.

Mrs. Hart is very pleased --

I was a moth
crushed on the wheel.

You know, a butterfly
drawn to the...

I bet you want to know
why I shot the bastard.

Shut up, dummy.

BANDLEADER : Mr. Billy Flynn
in "The Press Conference Rag."

Notice how his mouth
never moves.

Almost.

Where'd you come from?

¢Ý Mississippi ¢Ý

And your parents?

¢Ý Very wealthy ¢Ý

Where are they now?

¢Ý Six feet under ¢Ý

¢Ý But she was granted
one more start ¢Ý

¢Ý The Convent
of the Sacred Heart ¢Ý

¢Ý When'd you get here? ¢Ý

¢Ý 1920 ¢Ý

¢Ý How old were you? ¢Ý

¢Ý Don't remember ¢Ý

¢Ý Then what happened? ¢Ý

¢Ý I met Amos ¢Ý

¢Ý And he stole my heart away ¢Ý

¢Ý Convinced me
to elope one day ¢Ý

Poor dear! I can't believe
what you've been th rough!

A convent girl.
A runaway marriage.

TelI us, Roxie...

¢Ý Who's Fred Casely? ¢Ý

¢Ý My ex-boyfriend ¢Ý

¢Ý Why'd you shoot him? ¢Ý

¢Ý I was leavin ' ¢Ý

¢Ý Was he angry? ¢Ý

¢Ý Like a madman ¢Ý

¢Ý Still I said,
"Fred, move along " ¢Ý

¢Ý She knew that
she was doing wrong ¢Ý

¢Ý Then describe it ¢Ý

¢Ý He came toward me ¢Ý

¢Ý With the pistol? ¢Ý

¢Ý From my bureau ¢Ý

¢Ý Did you fight him? ¢Ý

¢Ý Like a tiger ¢Ý

¢Ý He had strength,
and she had none ¢Ý

¢Ý And yet we both
reached for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, we both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, we both, oh, yes,
we both reached for ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, we both reached
for the gun, for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Yes, it's perfectly
understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Comprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý Comprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý Not a bit reprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý It's so defensible ¢Ý

¢Ý How you feelin '? ¢Ý

¢Ý Very frightened ¢Ý

¢Ý Are you sorry? ¢Ý

¢Ý Are you kidding? ¢Ý

¢Ý Tha t's your sta tement? ¢Ý

¢Ý All I'd say is ¢Ý

¢Ý Though my choo-choo
jumped the track ¢Ý

¢Ý I'd give my life
to bring h im back ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Stay a way from ¢Ý

- ¢Ý What? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Jazz and liquor ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý And the men who ¢Ý

- ¢Ý What? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Play for fun ¢Ý

- ¢Ý And what? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý That's the thought that ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Yeah? ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Came upon me ¢Ý

¢Ý When? ¢Ý

¢Ý When we both
reached for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Yes, it's perfectly
understandable ¢Ý

¢Ý Comprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý Comprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý Not a bit reprehensible ¢Ý

¢Ý It's so defensible ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for ¢Ý

Let me hear it.

¢Ý The gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý A little louder ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Now you got it ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both reached
for the gun, for the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, oh, yes,
oh, yes, they both ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, yes, they both, oh, yes,
they both reached for ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý The gun, the gun,
the gun, the gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Both reached for the ¢Ý

¢Ý Gun ¢Ý

¢Ý Both reached for the gun ¢Ý

Move over, Al Capone.

The Windy City has taken
a new criminal to its heart.

The name on everybody's Iips
is Roxie Hart.

The sweetest Iittle lady ever
accused of murder in Chicago.

Women want to look like her.
Fellas want to go out with her.

Some little girls
even want to take her home.

Don't get any ideas,
little lady.

On the other side of town...

the assistant D.A. promises
the game little sharpshooter

will swing
before the year is up.

Who knows?

If he lives up to his word,
Assistant D.A. Harrison

might become
Governor Harrison someday.

Back at the scene
of the crime...

everybody wants
a little piece of Roxie Hart.

This jar of cold cream
set her husband back $20.

Maybe this pretty little lady

will get some
of that famous Roxie style.

It seems everybody these days
is rooting for Roxie Hart.

Take those wilting flowers
to the orphanage

and make sure they know
who sent them.

So, kiddo, given any thought
to what you want to do

after Billy gets you off?

I think I'd like to go
on the stage.

I figured as much.

I already called
the Morris office.

Really?

How much is that
gonna cost me?

My standard deal.
10 % of all your takings.

Yeah, well, we'll see, Mama.

Besides, I don't even have
an act yet.

Killing Fred Casely
was your act.

Those stiffs in the audience

want to say they saw
somebody famous.

That's a freak act.

And besides,
I am better than that.

Well, of course you are,
cupcake.

You can be as big as
Sophie Tucker.

You really think so?

Bigger than Cantor
and Jolson combined.

I always wanted to have my name
in all the papers.

Before I met Amos...

I used to date this
well-to-do ugly bootlegger.

He used to like to take me out
and show me off.

Ugly guys like to do that.

Once it said in the paper:

"Gangland's Al Capelli
seen at Chez Vito

with cute blond chorine."

That was me.

I clipped it, and I saved it.

You know, all my life,
I wanted to have my own act.

But, no. No, no.

They always turned me down.

One big world full of "no."

And then Amos came along.

Safe, sweet Amos...

...who never says no.

I've never done this before.

But, you know,
it is such a special night.

You are such a great audience!

[ Cheers and applause ]

And I really feel like I can
talk to you, you know?

So forget what
you've read in the papers.

Forget what you've heard
on the radio, because...

I'm gonna tell you the truth.

Not that
the truth really matters.

[ Rim shot, laughter ]

But l'm gonna tell you anyway.

In the bed department...

Amos was zero.

[ Laughter ]

When he made love to me...

it was like he was fixing
a carburetor or something.

[ lmitating Amos ]
"l love ya, honey. I love ya."

[ Laughter ]

Anyway,
I started fooling around.

Then I started
screwing around,

which is fooling around
without dinner.

[ Rim shot, laughter ]

Then I met Fred Casely...

who said that he could get me
into vaudeville...

... but that didn't quite
work out like I planned.

I guess it didn't really work
out too great for Fred, either.

[ Rim shot, laughter ]

So I gave up
on the whole vaudeville idea

because you kinda figure
after all those years...

...opportunity's just
passed you by.

¢Ý But it ain't ¢Ý

¢Ý Oh, no, no, no, no,
but it ain't ¢Ý

And now?

Well, if this Flynn guy
gets me off...

with all this publicity...

I got me a world full of "yes! "

¢Ý The name
on everybody's lips ¢Ý

¢Ý Is gonna be Roxie ¢Ý

¢Ý The lady
rakin' in the chips ¢Ý

¢Ý Is gonna be Roxie ¢Ý

¢Ý I'm gonna be a celebrity ¢Ý

¢Ý That means
somebody everyone knows ¢Ý

¢Ý They're gonna recognize
my eyes ¢Ý

¢Ý My hair, my teeth,
my boobs, my nose ¢Ý

¢Ý From just some
dumb mechanic's wife ¢Ý

¢Ý I'm gonna be Roxie ¢Ý

¢Ý Who says that murder's
not an art? ¢Ý

¢Ý And who,
in case she doesn't hang ¢Ý

¢Ý Can say she started
with a bang? ¢Ý

¢Ý Roxie Hart ¢Ý

¢Ý Boys ¢Ý

¢Ý They're gonna wait outside
in line ¢Ý

¢Ý To get to see ¢Ý

- ¢Ý Roxie ¢Ý
- ¢Ý Roxie ¢Ý

¢Ý Think of those autographs
I'll sign ¢Ý

¢Ý "Good luck to you " ¢Ý

¢Ý Roxie ¢Ý

¢Ý And I'll appear
in a lavaliere ¢Ý

¢Ý That goes all the way
down to my waist ¢Ý

¢Ý Here a ring, there a ring,
everywhere a ring-a-ling ¢Ý

¢Ý But always
in the best of taste ¢Ý

I'm a star.

And the audience Ioves me,
and I love them.

And they love me
for loving them.